Oh man I really hope they do all call in sick and then nothing happens, making it clear it was the police that were escalating most of the time. 

“Unsure of what Carlson’s plans are, I raised my toilet’s lid and screamed “WHAT ARE YOU DOING TODAY” down into the pipes where the Fox News anchor is rumored to summer.”

“This is the difference between a fucking idiot, Don Jr, and the rest of us.”

Oh my god, “gotcha day”? My brother and I were adopted as infants, and it was VERY clear to us from the get-go - even though it was never actually said in so many words - that the days we were born were the days that we were born into our family, regardless of how many days it took for us to be officially placed in…

My 8 year old son looks up to you

This ‘family as performance’ shit is angering in ways I cannot reasonably put into words using my mushy quarantine brain.

Someone is on deck for a SCOTUS nomination.

Aesthetics aside, I do not want my clothing cutting up into my business. Those parts are sensitive man. 

“Bigotry and hateful rhetoric—in any form—have no place in the Republican Party”

This crisis you’ve been suppressing isn’t meant to be resolved, it’s meant to be endured.

That sounds like the perfect qualifications for a data scientist and especially somebody making/managing dashboards.

You are NOT alone. Reading along, minding my own business, and my pupils bump into Kirsten Griffith VanderYacht and everything else just melts away and that fills my mind to the exclusion of everything else that follows.

Exactly. And your editor would immediately be like “this is too on-the-nose.”

Hi, I’m Laura Vanderbooben and this is my husband, Rusty Shackleford.

The Office ended seven years ago.

VELVEETA LIQUID GOLD OR BUST

Don’t the Biebers have a big-ass house? Just go live at opposite ends of it for a few weeks, then talk again.

On March 25, she tweeted, “If I have to choose the vaccine or chip I’m gonna choose death.”

It’s disgusting to hear Biden thank Sanders for challenging the Powers That Be when Biden himself represents those same Powers That Be in so many ways. I was always in Elizabeth Warren’s camp but am more saddened than ever that I have to vote for this person who has done practically nothing to further social progress…