One of the foursomes used to be a fivesome. 

It’s Richard Belzer. 

I’m surprised she told you about that.

Waiter: Would you like some pepper, Mr. West?

ND strength of schedule:

MJ might be the greatest of all time, but Jesus CHRIST he is such a pussy. 

“The simplest possible explanation for what’s become a sprawling mess is that these people are”

unfathomably fucking stupid, every single last one of them. 

Indeed...who’s to say Jackson wasn’t going to just keep circling the bases until the lead evaporated?! 

I wonder upon being robbed if the train driver was like “get mi-ata here”.*

Makes sense: nothing says “family values” like brutal violence, repetitive head trauma, and domestic abuse.

Looks like Papa John’s just found their new spokesman.

Thoughts and prayers to those humiliated.

Uh... Duncan Robinson played for the Spurs.

Initial reports have PacMan avoiding the confrontation, grabbing something to eat, and then seeking out his attacker.

If there is one thing that Jesus took a stand for, it was strict border control and punishing refugees by ripping children away from their desperate parents. Nothing says “compassion” like child prisons. As it says in Proverbs 6:9 - “Donald Trump is totally cool and make sure to put a dollar in the box on your way…

A perfect game is one where no one reaches first base. Also known as my collegiate dating career.

I can’t stand it when my co-workers complain about “The Union”. We are The Union. Maybe you don’t like something that union leadership has done. Then organize and vote them out. I only wish it were that easy to get rid of management.

He actually looks surprised by this.  Is he that fucking stupid?  What, did he think she was going to pat him on the head and tell him how smart and handsome he is?

The best part is when she fell through the ceiling.