The animal is fine. It’ll wake up tomorrow and it’ll be like this never happened.

You kneel for the anthem, you disrespect this hero.

That’ll teach that buck-toothed asshole not to predict an early Spring again.

4.) For hazing to be banned in all high schools across the nation.

Dear [Volley Ball Coach],

Maybe we’re reading too much into this, and the simple answer is the correct answer: the Browns don’t know what the fuck they’re doing and this is further evidence of it.

I wonder if the kids feel the same way about Doug Ducey. That he’s being used by adults with an agenda (e.g. the Koch Brothers and the NRA).

Shut the hell up.

How I was at 16 would probably be a whole lot different if someone had shot up my high school and killed a bunch of my friends. Don’t be dense.

I want her and Sarah Palin to have a televised spelling bee.

12th man hates 13th amendment.

Oh forget this Jakoury McQueen guy.

Thankfully it was blurred out on the Japanese broadcast, so no one at home saw how dreadful it truly was.

I’m here to win medals and get laid, and it looks like they’re all out of medals.

She was fucking thrilled, what more do you want? GTFOH with that shit.

You must be fun to hang out with.

Added Emmert, “We are monitoring the situation closely, and I can assure you that if we hear of one of the female victims involved receiving any sort of financial settlement via a civil trial, we are prepared to rule then ineligible for receiving impermissible benefits.”

If they had greased that pole, he would have slipped by it.

If we lived in a just world, Tucker would be a miserable fat failure killing time working at someone else’s parents yacht club.

You can watch all of Carlson’s interview with Mark Steyn here