...plus the 1941 original is a scant 64 minutes. This remake is twice as long, plus two minutes. They really needed to find an entirely different story with some similar beats. So...yeah, I agree, let’s revisit the story rather than just doing a shot-for-shot live action remake.

As an African American and a drunk, I find the racist crows and drunk elephants to be the most entertaining parts. And Baby Mine.

Yeah, I think that’s Sipowitz’s point, that this is yet another case of Splinter genuflecting before their godhead when she exhibits utterly unremarkable behavior. 

So......this is a cult now, y’all know that right? This is really getting a bit close to Breitbart on Trump territory. 

Has anyone every seen one of those heartwarming videos where a football team will let a kid with down syndrome run a play and get a touchdown?

I would now like to see a show about police procedural tv shows willing themselves into existence.

“I want to take his face...off."

I think they really need to test the limits of this technology with a real challenge:

Me now: “hahahahah”

“Then I actually read what he said”

The words “problematic” and “troublesome” now trigger me.

The Internet Outrage Machine needs to Calm. The. Fuck. Down. He spoke an uncomfortable truth. Someone you know and loved is brutalized by (insert Race, Religion or Ethnicity here) and you don’t feel for a hot minute that you will tear into the next (insert Race, Religion or Ethnicity here)... Stop Lying. Yeah, he took…

In this one, Liam has a particular set of chills.

“Protagonists whose weapon of choice is some kind of stand in for a penis is a well-worn trope.”

Though I might advance a bold argument that weapons as phallic symbols are not nearly as common as reviews in which writers want to maintain that the weapons are phallic symbols.  

“And even if they were the primary or sole reason for liking the movie that’s her prerogative”

Of course it is. And questioning that is mine. I am tired of ideological film criticism. The purpose of a movie is not to conform to the reviewer’s politics. I feel an overwhelming percentage of the film-watching world would…

“giggling at the hyper-masculine phallic symbol literally plowing its way across the screen with man’s man Neeson behind the wheel....the female characters in the film are uniformly fed up and uninterested in whatever dick-measuring contest these men have gotten themselves into this time.”

Ms. Rife, do you actually…

Does she address the question of who hurt Chip, and what part of him is missing when he turns back into a human?

Tusk: Not bad enough to be good.

GAH! I just saw this and..it was just so tonally weird. Like the first and second halves came from two different movies. I'm home alone and have no one to talk to, and I really need to unpack this. Please bear with me. Indulge me, if you will, like we have indulged Kevin Smith.

It's just a bad, atonal movie. Howe names his old Walrus friend "Mr. Tusk" after a role model, Mr. Tuskegee. Smith comes up with convoluted way to "cleverly" give the animal with actual tusks the name a 3-year-old would come up with. And the character who becomes the walrus has a mustache, so he looks more like a…