“Oh, yeah. Oooh, ahhh, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming.”

Oh boy. *cracks knuckles* this is my moment.

That one has a nice fart can....

His size changing apparatus thingy must be malfunctioning because I see a little person but with a really big heart.

All choices have consequences.

This makes me feels so good with humanity in general, as opposed to the pretty much everything else in the news right now.

Biggest subway failure since Jared.

Hands down the greatest present Santa ever brought me.

The AT-AT toy was probably the greatest toy I ever owned. It probably still lurks somewhere in a dark corner of my mom’s messy basement.

Police still have to file a report since they were dispatched. You can save your outrage for now

Hey, Drax had some of the best lines of any Bond villain:

I always thought that "canadian football" was another term for kicking your snow blower when it won't start. I learned something new today. Thank you.

catalytic converters are probably the reason why we don't need an oxygen mask to go outside, yet.

I manage to peel back the leather seat top to find a rather luxurious looking commode, with a nice cherry or walnut frame. It had obviously never been used, ever. Why this moment of clarity came to me, I do not know. Perhaps it was the realization that I was going to take this toilet's virginity with a fury and…