“Look at it. You take an aspirin, I take an aspirin, it might give you extreme side effects of illness and your body … may reject it, where I would be fine. And I can prove it: Got any aspirin? I’m not picky. And I’m serious — show me what you’re stashing or the only way you’re leaving this penthouse suite is through…

Why didn’t any of the English sailors use the Full Nelson? Worked once before.

Musketeers done in by three.

You know you are getting old when you attempt this at the county fair to impress your unimpressed girlfriend and then you can’t comb your hair the next day. #RotatorCuffsMatter

Santacon and it’s not even close.