I'm more confused by why they feel the need to talk about their polyness incessantly. Why thank you person I just met, for telling me all about your sex life. No, my reaction has nothing to do with prejudice and everything to do with picturing you having sex and getting a little weirded out by it.

I could barely date two people at the same time when I was single, so any relationship involving actual feelings would probably drive me nuts in two weeks.

January Jones was distractingly terrible in it. Instead of just kinda terrible.

Shia seemed to really connect with those monkeys. It was his best acting in the whole film.

Montreal bagels win by being a bagel size I can actually finish. I don't know whose idea it was to make bagels the density of an entire loaf of bread smushed together, but that was a bad idea.

He's our foul mouthed David Mitchell.

We're all part of the vast art project that James Franco beats off to. He gets off by forcing his subjectivity on us and rubbing it all up on our computer screens.

Alex Gibney's Jigsaw is practically a documentary studio. But he gets on the shortlist like clockwork.

People with boundary issues writing to Dan Savage? Well I never.

Macaroni Grill was my baby sister's 2nd favorite chain restaurant (when my dad was responsible for "making" dinner and before the great Cheesecake Factory incursion of 2004). It's higher quality Italian-ish than Olive Garden (in that it has things that vaguely resemble actual Italian meals), but it is also the only…

You take that back! Getting McDonalds (or Chilis) means my mom loved us enough to buy us fried chicken the way we want it: plumped full of weird chemicals and served with neon yellow "honey mustard."

I thought Old Country Buffet was a big night out for the elderly. Everything is already mushy and inoffensive.

Would you rather we refer to Jesus by the more common pronunciation of his name in Hebrew? Or does calling him Josh strike you as a little weird?

I hope he doesn't have a little sister.

It's cool. She'll only be smart enough to make a huge mess of it for herself.

It could be worse. I know a little girl who has the unfortunate name of Pheonix (not a typo). The parents in question could have spelled the name in Spanish (Fénix), or any other language on the planet, if they wanted it to be a little different, but nooooo. They had to go with a spelling that looked like a typo.

I have a friend whose middle name is Galadriel. She tricked the email system at school so she could use galadriel@ as her email. It telegraphed almost everything you needed to know about her right away.

"Person who works in reality TV is Crass Opportunist. The shocking, true story, next on E!"

they are rich and caramelized and soft and creamy. It's one of those magical recipes that transmorgrfies 4 ingredients into something absurd.

We're making: picnic hams (one smoked, the other honey glazed), cream braised brussels sprouts, and (maybe) mashed butternut squash with toasted pecans and blue cheese.