I love The Rock and I needed to hear something positive today. Congrats to them and their cute as hell little girl.

also....

I hate to be right here but, I called it.

Do you want my secret recipe for eggnog? Here it is:

Fucking swallow, Donald. It isn’t gay to swallow your spit no matter what Pence says to you.

A long time ago in a Funbag somebody asked if there was a worse sound than an old person eating a peach. Unfortunately I have the answer.

Remember in Alien when they realized Ash was a robot?

Even his teeth are like GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Feeling depressed and hopeless lately? May I recommend Nathan the Beach Cat to cheer you up. She’s Xanax for the soul. She lives in a beautiful house on a beautiful beach in Australia and her days consist of going to the beach with her family, swimming in the ocean, and then going home to take a nap. I want this life.

My personal favorite.

LOL comic sans

Jennifer Lawrence, rumored at the time to be considered for the role of Sharton Tate.

But he’s clearly the bonitis guy!

In Middle English, yes.

I have faith in Al Roker if only because of his hatred of Billy Bush and his anger over the Tamron Hall situation.

I see Roker more as a “mind if I masturbate on the houseplant” douche over the rapey kind.

YES!! I hope Joe Manganiello has rushed to be by her side upon hearing the news.

the immortal words of Rob Stark

She used her real name. The same one that she had previously used on a GoFundMe to ‘combat the lies of the mainstream media’

I hope someone at Splinter is taking a look at the failed swipe Project Veritas took at WaPo regarding Roy Moore.