Dear butthurt SC racists,

If you’re 39 years old and deciding to crash a college party, life ain’t working out the way you planned it, even before the guns get brought up.

I had never seen “Friends” until I started watching it my Netflix queue.

And if you’re a black woman who tries this- wait, how did you get hired here again?

HOW THE FUCK DOES STEVEN TYLER LOOK YOUNGER THAN JOHNNY DEPP?

Yup. I’m quite annoyed at being forced to agree with her on something. Yanking her show was the right way to go, but the Duggars should be yanked as well. And is that Duck Dynasty show still on? Yank it too, while you’re at it. Yank ‘em all.

Hoodie, sideways cap, gold chains around her neck, references to a posse... and you see nothing racial about this? OK.

These pictures encompass the feeling I get whenever my mom posts literally anything on Facebook.

Drunk? Maybe. Probably. Drunk on power? 30 years running. Drunk on vapid stupidity? Yes. Drunk on hypocrisy? I don’t have a chart powerful enough to measure that.

I’m totally straight and wish I wasn’t because I come across so many women I consider attractive and only find like one in 20 men attractive. Most just aren’t good looking at all.

Lean Sad. Jeez.

There are never enough babies to kill.

But seriously, if there's one thing that watching all of Friends on Netflix has taught me, it's that Ross is the WORST.

I grew up without a father. I grew up aware that that conferred a lot of negative stereotypes. Why are single mother households always held responsible for every social problem and systemic inequity? Why is this bullshit always spewed whenever something goes wrong?

Whatever, dude.

I literally never knew anyone like this growing up. So I was shocked when I heard that one of the secretaries at my first real job had declared that she wasn’t saving for retirement because The Rapture was going to happen before she got that old. It was like she said the world was flat.

So, I know you’re joking and all, but I just wanted to add that as a former fundie there were many times in my childhood when I thought “I really hope the world doesn’t end before (insert event here)” Examples include: I get my braces off, I have my first kiss, I travel abroad.

Thanks, but I’m just about done taking political advice from dead white guys.