Actually it was written by a Twilight fanfic author. She wanted to get published, so she changed all the names.

Man, yours must be stellar if that's not one of the better ones.

Wait wait wait:

First one gets a pass. Second one is a garbage groom. Science!

So wasted bride is okay, but wasted groom isn't?

"Mom, why doesn't he just, walk up it?"

"Shush now Steven and put away the laptop. The human bros are special."

12 mpg? In a Focus? That's some bs.

That's fantastic.

Berkeley Cars' little engine (this one has a Honda 250) is just about in-line with their headlights.

I don't play pranks like this, but sometimes I do go in super-slow motion and that drives mine absolutely crazy.

I like where your heads at.

Not even bullets that let the helium out?

perhaps putting some sort of lock on a nearby bridge would satisfy your need for attention?

Did you think up a character before you started typing it? Because I can certainly picture the type of person who would write something like that. Like an aging hippie whose kid started dating a person of color when they went to college in 2000 and freaked out about it.

I'm actually kind of impressed. You took stout, xenophobic, neocon attitudes, added a bit of wistful nostalgia for the country itself - which I've never seen combined - while mixing in new-age "energy" and a clunky philosophical comparison between the physical weight and an imaginary burden.

It's like you're trying to…

If you ever get a chance, swing by a local airport and talk to the mechanics. I worked at one out of high school. Airplanes of all sizes are inspected and vital systems taken apart at fixed, short, intervals. Airplanes are 'old tech' - nothing important is new - and they see all sorts of proactive maintenance. You'd…

My 1972 BMW 2002 is a salvage. The repair work was well done, everyone else was scared off so I got it for a very good price, and I don't care about resale value because it's my baby.

Can every second of this be gif'fed?

Here's my contribution.

You mean: typical Gawker, finding a photo to accompany the article that is accurate and personally relevant to the author.

Oh, let's see how coherent you are after drag racing a rocket car, smarty pants.

The dressing room area is a particularly private and vulnerable place for many women and girls, so it's a protected area. For that reason, we also have a completely separate dressing area for women who have undergone mastectomies and need post-surgical care.

Sorry, Mr. Gates.