It always reminds me of Hot Fuzz, and as a consequence I can’t take it seriously. I’m more of a Strictly Ballroom fan.

PS. He referred to this giant turd as an “exhibition piece”.

This is a friend’s story, honestly. Many years ago he was going out with a Nurse, and was staying at her place, which she shared with some other female nurses. Through the night he had to use the bathroom, and produced such a huge poo it wouldn’t flush away. He also knew that something like that would never be…

I read a few days ago about an apple in Waitrose (in the cafe) costing £2.50, so who knows.

Specially made for the “little people”.

I’d prefer to see her in a branch of Heron Foods.

It would be a Waitrose wouldn’t it (it’s super posh supermarket, for our US cousins). Queenie wouldn’t be seen dead near anybody even vaguely normal, and she’s probably never even been in the same town as a branch of Asda (owned by Walmart).

Excellent. Jarvis is a f*cking poet.