...or get a job with Mojica.

Yes, you are correct sir!
Light weight is what makes a car fun. The most fun car I’ve had was my 1698# Ford Fiesta Mk1, with all of 70hp, and tiny little tires.

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Glad you’re ok.
In my experience (splitting around NYC, so not legal no matter what) splittling the outside seams on a multi-lane is less safe than the middle seams. I’m not sure why - It could be that in the middle people know that there is a car next to them, an so are more likely to take a proper look before…

In stop and go traffic, splitting is safer.

That’s along way from all there is. There’s always the missing pallet loads of cash delivered to Iraq.

You had lots of old crap, no doubt. Nonetheless, the US military is the world’s largest operator of golf courses.

...or cut pattern that doesn’t bulge and pucker.

This is “designed to be ridden?” Sure, that’s why we all ride bikes with no rear suspension and no front brake. Let’s just call it what it is: a vaguely motorcycle shaped sculpture, designed to be looked at without any reference to usability or usefulness.

Relevant:

The only universal safe driving tip: If you can’t stop on the pavement you can see, you are going too fast.

The best beginner bike is something used. The steep part of the depreciation curve is past, and you’ll be able to sell it for pretty much what you paid if you do it right. But, the best part of the used bike is that when you stall and tip it in a parking lot, or just drop it off the stand (and odds are good that you…

All the stars for pointing out the correct upper end of the scale!

Yes. Being serious. The most important thing for a beginner is to remember that you are a beginner. Start at the beginning, not with a top of the line bike for experts.
Seriously, you won’t be a beginner long if you do it right and start off with something cheap and cheerful. And slow. Definitely slow. Because even a…

An armed society is a polite society, right gun humpers?

Aren’t you a pleasant little authoritarian.

Himself, of course.

OTOH, my 1600# 1980 mk1 Fiesta was the best snow car I ever had. I don’t think it’s the weight.

I was going to go with the video.