Whatever you do, don’t let young Mr Torchinsky see this commercial. Might give him ideas.

“Me First!”

Yeah, that’s bullshit. They wouldn’t have done precisely that kind of vandalism if they didn’t have an inkling of its importance. That said, I think the sentence is perfect.

I feel like we should call him Annoying Orange, since that’s about the only thing as hateful and horrible as he is.

I’ve had the pleasure to travel to Melbourne 3 times for business. I really enjoyed the friendly people. In the US, we tend to encounter more rude people and jerks in the big cities, but people in Melbourne were fantastic. If they are the “city jerks”, then the Aussies in the country must be absolutely amazing.

Not mine. I just wish I could remember who I’ve stolen it from to credit them…

Tapeworms react to removal as well. It’s not really that special.

YES. But you read the GOOD news, right?

That was published without comment because my mind was rendered incapable of putting one thought after that.

So, let me get this straight by outlining an example- A dad or step dad rapes his daughter/stepdaughter, she attempts to get an abortion and the rapist who is also the father/stepfather of the victim as well as the father of the fetus (double daddy bingo in Arkansas) is able to sue the one person in the scenario who…

The biggest mistake I’ve seen Americans make with Australians is similar to what they do with Canadians, which is assume they’re basically Americans with funny accents and food preferences.

And now they get the phone slammed down on them… 

according to some Rasputin still alive and well

I work within a 5 minute walk from the Oklahoma City Bombing memorial.

I encourage everyone to read up on Timothy McVeigh’s political ideology.

He was a white nationalist, isolationist, 2nd amendment enthusiast, distrustful of big government. He and Michael Fortier drew up the diagrams of how they would blow up the OKC…

Hi... Officer here.... and to interpret the Officer Oath.... it’s orders of the President... NOT A CERTAIN PRESIDENT. We Fly the Flag of the US... OL’ Faithful... NOT a CAMPAIGN flag of the person who won.

I took a similar oath:

I get that you don’t want to understand, but this isn’t allowed.

Bubba, when I took my oath of allegiance, I didn’t have to offer fealty to the President. But I did have to affirm this:

When you’re low on freezer space and you’re trying to chill, say, a bottle of vodka quickly, you can clear out some of the ice in the ice maker and put the bottle in there. And if you forget about it in there, you’ll eventually start spiking your ice cubes unexpectedly.