Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother’d had
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye
He was big and bent and gray and old
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold
And I said: “My name is ‘Sue X Æ A-12!’ How do you do!?

HOW MANY DAMN TIMES DO I HAVE TO RELOAD THE PAGE TO SEE THE COMMENTS?

As the roommate of a semi-recently licensed teenager (also referred to as “daughter”), this is a monumentally fucking stupid idea.

I refreshed the page to get the comment section to load just to tell you I really appreciate these true Jalopnik stories. Thanks for reporting on the difficult stuff!

I eagerly await his press conference where he explains that

I bought the little 1971 postal jeep die cast as well as the glass Christmas tree ornament.

Without the support of the post office, many businesses small and large will die. It would be the nail in the coffin for print media. USPS is pretty much the best government agency, and it should live on forever.

This has my stamp of approval.

President Trump threatened to veto the next $2 trillion coronavirus aid package if it includes funds to save the storied institution. (Because honestly, why would you include funds to save the employer of more than 2 million Americans in a U.S. stimulus package?)

Is Trump a racist liar or a lying racist?

Hold on now. You know the rules don’t apply to Princess Ivanka, first of her name, creator of 15m jobs! Pegger of Jared and daddy’s forbidden fantasy! Lo, admire her many works! She doth shod and clothe the tacky! Her wisdom doth bring great smiles to leaders ‘round the globe! If there is a chair absent her father’s…

His name is Kanye 

It’s the unsavory blend of herbs.

It's safe to assume these people are fucking morons because they're acting like fucking morons. 

Fuck these selfish assholes.

Pole vault.

That really looks like a Lada fun!

You get that sour dough starter is just wild caught yeast?

John can show you how

I’m pretty tired of people shitting on how other people spend their time right now. “Oh, suddenly everyone’s a jogger!” “STFU about your sourdough starter!” “Who knew so many people were into knitting [eyeroll].” Lather, rinse, repeat. People have the ability to indulge their hobbies, workout routines, or start…

2020 can fuck off already. 

You’ll be missed, Kristen. You’re an excellent writer and I’ve enjoyed your work here immensely. I wish you all the best.