Five years ago I few into Heathrow to visit my boyfriend. We went to the British Museum to look at some Michelangelo sketches and I proposed while we were standing in front of a drawing of the Sybil. I bought him a chunky silver ring engraved with ‘I am my beloveds and she is mine’ in Hebrew. He cried and said yes. We…

The hyena-in-petticoats thing is actually beautifully apt and we need to reclaim that for her. Fierce, predatory, highly intelligent matriarichal clans where the phallus-having females regularly beat up the scavenging lions that try to steal their prey? What’s not to like?

I would just like to point out that since this awful situation surfaced I have been unable to call my grandparents because I know, for a fact, that if I did I’d have to listen to an hour’s worth of Dugger-defense and I just can’t handle it - especially since I was raped as a 12/13 year old by another 13 year old girl.…

There’s also a wide-spread idea among conservative ‘Christians’ that rape is a kind of theft; not from the victim, but from the victim’s father or future husband. Of course, a lot of these people believe that men CANT be raped, and that women are incapable of rape at all, so there are a bunch of problems with this…

It is unspeakably frustrating that, in a visual medium (where quality is largely subject to taste) the genitals of the artists are more influential on the reception of the pieces than the actual contents of the piece. You see a bit of this in the poetry world (I submitted the same manuscript to a big 6 publisher, one…

It was an alternative Charter school. So, funded by public money. It was supposed to have higher academic standards... NOPE!

I would say, ‘I wonder how the hell she became principal of anything, much less a school’ but then I remember attending middle school in Florida, having an anxiety attack, and being given an exorcism by the principal, the librarian, and the ‘science’ teacher. I put scients in quotes because the book he taught from was…

On it.

So... your husband’s still chasing that whale? Well, I’ve got a fresh-corked tincture of opium. Why don’t we go drug this child to stillness, get you out of that uncomfortable horsehair crinoline, and go explore our sexuality together?

My mom took me with her to a Huey Lewis and the News concert. At the time she was a professional model (narried to a minister) and I was two. She was carrying me in one of those snuggie things that look like an external womb. After the show, one of the security guards pulled her aside and said, ‘Hiey wants to see…

I was just going to say that. I could see the 13-week skull coated in silver and strung on a chain around some goth kid’s neck. Though, honestly, they all look a little alienesque thanks to those fontanelles. I also like how they all appear to be smiling.
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On the way to the gym, I was stopped at a red light when a bankish-looking member of the Lycra brigade pulled up beside me, looked me over, and said, ‘You do know that’s a man’s bike?’ I smiled at him and said, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intimidate you.’ After thirty seconds of silence that probably felt very…

Aberystwyth! And the person who brought it in was a lovely elderly Lesbian from the Land Down Under. It was wrapped in a pile of sweaters. Seriously, I saw her all the time in church. She and her wife were such sweeties. I never brought it up in conversation.

This is just to say that, when I worked for a charity shop in Wales (I was the weekend manager, supervising all the grannies who'd been caught shoplifting and were performing their community service), somebody donated a dildo-cum-bottle-opener made out of a treated kangaroo scrotum with a rubber-and-leather tip. My…

Koalas have the smallest brain to body ratio of all the mammals (marsupials are included) and their brains are smooth. Opossums are more intelligent. Shrews are more intelligent. They lack the thinky thinky bits. Basically, in terms of intelligence, they are fuzzy iguanas. That’s fine, if you like iguanas (and I do!)…

In the gospels Jesus was condemned by the pharisees for hanging out with the Samaratins, who were considered apostates by the mainstream religion of his time. I’m pretty sure Christ was happy to pray with anyone so long as they were sincere and had good intentions. When it comes to faith there’s more than one ‘right’…

This isn’t soft-sexism. It’s hard sexism, but I’m going to tell it anyway. I started teaching at a university with a PhD and two years experience. A man starts teaching (the same subject, the same job description) at the same time, with no experience and a masters degree. The man earned TWICE as much as I did. Two…

Oh, we did. Exploding fist-bumps.

Prepare for the most English thing that any of you have ever, or will ever, have the privilege of hearing: in the CofE (that's the Anglican church) wedding ceremony the bride and groom are never asked to kiss. They are told to shake hands. This took both my husband and I by surprise. The Canon didn't bother to mention…

Ha! I do watch, but I hadn't made that connection. Though it's staringly obvious now that I think about it. My mom was always very careful with my sister's skin but not with mine, at least not at first. She was much more worried about my body hair. It really worried her.