Today, my camp issued the following statement:

OK, but what the fuck does Mike Tomlin have to do with it?

Yeah, but how about those Sacramento Kings?

If ever I am in a conversation where my counterpart leads a sentence with the clause, “In Silicon Valley, we....” I will immediately leverage my hand to foster innovation across their face.

Intervention! Intervention! Intervention!

It’s not vulgar, it’s just locker room talk.

Vapers have replaced potheads as the most obnoxious shitheads wiht the biggest first world problems in the world.

Who?

If a vapist takes a “vape break” in a forest and no one is around to hear him does he still sound like an insufferable dork?

calling for a ground war via no fly zone

That’s Jabhat Fateh al-Sham to you.

Quick question, and maybe I’m missing something here, but exactly when the hell did Obama support al-Nusra?

But only consensually, because, you know.

Time for jokes is over.

Regardless of how this all turns out, I hope people will always remember that, in 2016, the Republican Party was faced with a difficult dilemma.

Sorry guys I got no jokes here. I hate this man so much. I want him to die and I want to piss on his grave. Oh and any Trumpie cultists who want to start shit can fuck off and die. You are all scum.

“MY GOD!!!! TRUMP JUST HIT HER WITH A CHAIR AND BROKE HER IN HALF AND THE REFS DIDN’T EVEN SEE IT. SOMEBODY STOP THE DAMN MATCH!!!!”

Their tears are so delicious