The Daily Mail is such a racist piece of shit. It’s not even subtle. Good for Malia.

No you don’t. You’re neither poor nor American.

It doesn’t have the charm. “I can see for miles” doesn’t work when you convert it to “I can see some number of kilometers.” 

I read the headline was “Did you know Maggie Gylenhall and Peter Sarsgaard have fucked in teak bathtub” which was a lot of information!

To be fair, if I looked like J-Lo, I’d be flaunting it all over creation too.

I timed my geriatric pregnancies (age 38, 40, 41.5) down to the exact day of expected ovulation. It can happen to us oldies!

Yikes that’s awful! Fortunately even when it seemed like the UTI tests were coming back negative, my doctor never argued that I was imagining the pain.

What do you have against lavender oil? That shit smells fantastic and you can pry it from my cold, dead, delightfully floral-scented hands.

A lot of antibiotics! The infection would seem to clear up after I took a regular course of antibiotics, but was actually not dying completely and would reemerge again. For a while I took a small antibiotic immediately after each time I had sex, since we determined that was the culprit. And the standard advice about…

Why are “gender reveal” parties for fetuses still a thing?

YES. That same couple went from having like 30 random cardboard boxes stacked in their bedroom to like...10 boxes after decluttering...and Marie was so genuinely proud of them. Not so much as a sidelong glance. Her lack of judgment is IMPRESSIVE.

I can’t stand clutter. It makes me anxious and I can feel my blood pressure rising just looking at the kitchen in the lede photo (who needs 20 coffee mugs out and accessible?!?).

I love how the husband criticized his wife for paying for laundry service when he's obviously not doing any of the housework or child care.

My mind went here:

*Noted rapist Cristiano Ronaldo

Right? And sorry, but who wants to look at - much less follow - a feed of someone’s infant next to random food? Boring AF.

I question the judgement of anyone idiotic enough to bring a 5 day old baby into a busy restaurant. If these are “influencers” I hope no other new parents are being influenced.

Fun story. My brother isn’t quite as wealthy as TPain but still didn’t lift a finger when I was in $50k of medical debt. I took care of it not through the generosity of a family member but through the folly of man. I called the hospital billing office to get on a payment plan and the customer service dude I spoke to…

I hate “wifey” even more. My pops in law called his 2nd wife that (and he truly loved her), and now my chubby hubby calls me wifey. So I call him my chubby hubby.

I can’t either. Hubs is bad too.