Is she Rachel Ray?

No way. You have to be lucid to write this well. The idea to do this, though...yes, marijuana might have been involved.

The Chipotle one is my favorite.

You get used to seeing ppl masturbate in public??? Where do you live dude?

Thanks but that's okay. A larger butt has never been on my wish list.

seeing this dude for a few weeks. we're both on the "no dating, this is just a hookup" thing. we started becoming friends (i.e. hanging out without sex) but then there was radio silence so i texted him "hey, like, if youre not into this let me know. hookup, just friends, whatever, i just dont wanna be the girl who…

I figured that I had a choice: Look old/dated in my boot cuts or look like a ice cream cone in my stylish skinnies. I opted for the boot cut.

Clothes that fit well and complement the figure are always preferable over the fashionable yet unflattering. :) Case in point: The muffin top over the low-rise. Yuck! I saw…

So many texting stories...how to choose? Here's a good one:

WARNING THIS IS A LONG STORY!

"Are you up?" I texted.

Haha! The owner told me that vodka has "no flavor profile," hence why they don't serve it.

"... and the bar does not carry vodka."

You take peanut sauce too seriously.

I certainly don't mind a little ranch on a salad once in awhile, but at a family dinner I recently witnessed my sister in law allowing my 2 1/2 year old nephew (a super finicky eater anyway) to pour half a bottle of the stuff onto his plate and I watched him lick that shit up. He literally just licked it right off the…

I once had someone order the soup du jour. When I brought it, she said (in the bitchiest tone ever), "Excuse me, I've had soup du jour and this is NOT it!"

Telling customers "no" was my favorite thing as a server.

Idk y'all, I waited tables for over a decade in the South and I've seen ranch poured over a variety of food but never tea. We take our tea pretty seriously down here and that's just gross.

I know people who are like that with ranch, many of whom also insist on constantly going to certain restaurants purely on the strength of their particular house blend. There's a reason I don't eat lunch with them anymore.

Ugh, fucking RANCH. That shit is the devil's jizz. I don't even hate it for itself, it's the way it's become the official smothering blanket of condiments. People ask for it all the time at work and we don't sell it because the owner's formal public stance is "over my dead body."

It's the floating chunks of oily white ranch sauce drifting around in the tea ...nesting between the ice cubes, congealing on the lemon... that tip the balance for me.