I know, I know, I KNOW, I'm victim blaming here, but I don't give a flying fuck: what do you want to bet, based on what we know about the Boobers, that "Jaxon" (UGH WTF) did something to antagonize the dog into biting him?

mark. You've crossed the fucking line. This did not need to be reported on ever. On gawker, and certainly not here. What I really want to know is what the fuck does Allen think about this?

Excuse me. Excuse me. My story is better.

My five year old son once informed my husband and I that he hears us cuddle through his bedroom wall. When I asked what he meant, he became extremely embarrassed and changed the subject. Having our own horrific memories of parental sexy time, we knew changing the subject would not erase the memory burned into our…

My eyes...they can't adjust quickly enough to the brightness....

What I have always wanted, as a triple D and beyond:

Will Whoopi say it wasn't "murder murder"?

Lost my virginity to high school boyfriend during Thanksgiving dinner in our storage room on a folding chair while my dementia ridden grandfather tried to say the Lord's Prayer and pissed himself downstairs at the dinner table at the same time.

Sherman above looks just like the kitty we trapped and took to get fixed yesterday.

To be fair, I'm in my 30s and I'm already starting to resent it. Getting old sucks. My knees make me so angry. My HIPS hurt the other day.

He gave the speech at my college commencement, too. I had no idea about any of this at the time (it was nearly 20 years ago), and I thought he was a great choice. Makes me sick to think about now.

Thank you, Mark.

Oh man, so much of this is good... but this? This is incorrect.

"What are you gonna do tonight, Stef?"

Once upon a time murderers, rapists and pedophiles did not have public meeting places where they could tell their stories and share photos. They did not have an audience so desensitized to violent crime that they questioned whether their stories and photos were true.

As long as us working non-murderers are still free to wander around at will, and he's still confined and has to obey someone else's schedule, I'm not actually that outraged by this. I'd imagine sometimes he'd just really like to go to Wendy's and can't, or swim in the ocean and he never will again. The fact that I can…

As long as there are men, there will be shitty people.

Why are you obsessed? I'm currently on the market to buy a lot of new underwear.

Justin Bieber accidentally flashed a group of 13-year-olds when his pants split while performing at a bar mitzvah. Girl, you've become a woman!

Well when we start judging women by their ability to piss in cornflakes I look forward to buying your magazine cover.