two of the teenagers, aged 14 and 15, were turned in to the police by their parents

I mean, if you watch just this video, it looks like he’s laughing at something someone said to him off-camera and wasn’t paying attention to the proceedings at all.

Typical. Even when the man is at fault, he puts the blame on the woman that man is married to. BECAUSE THAT MAKES SENSE.

Shh...

I would like to be a nun, but my lack of belief in God really hampers any pursuit of nunhood. But, I already live in poverty, wear the same thing everyday, and have no sex, so ...

But chasing a pigskin sphere around a lawn is worth $10 million a year.

They were my aunt’s favorite order*! I got soooo many cards during finals in college telling me they were praying on my behalf.

My sister: I’m thinking of getting Elf on the Shelf for the kids, what do you think?

The face of a man who isn’t getting paid enough to have to listen to this all day...

If by “adopt” you mean “acquire cats, bunnies, sloths and capybaras”, then yes. If I could regrow my uterus and give birth to a sloth, I would. But human babies? No.

I’m Scottish & I do NOT understand his popularity. He's a bit of an arse. Terrible actor.

“Look, there’s a new disease called the Kardashians, darling!”

Mary-Kate Olsen looks like a tiny French child next to her new husband and his daughter.

That 31 year old colleague sounds like they are more emotionally and socially liberated than you.

What about milk in your alcohol?

But but but...

I love milk. I've never had cramps, bloating or the shits from it. Have drunk skim or one percent from childhood. And I don't drink coffee, tea or alcohol so FUCK THE HATERS.

Counterpoint: Milk is delicious.