I don't know. When I had my coronation I know I spent a year undergoing plastic surgery, lap band and hair transplants.

Sparkly item? Where? Where? WHERRRREE??

"The way I see it is that nowadays anyone who realizes that they don't have the talent or skill and are lazy to develop some skills... simply run around naked and say it's art,..."

I have to say I weigh in with Hermine. Otherwise if you were abducted, forced to give oral sex at gun point the attacker could claim he never raped you as his penis never entered your vagina.

You have made my day!!! My Mr and I have a really weird game of coming up with different ways to refer to wanting sex. Tonight I'm going to ask the Mr if he's interested in combining his genitalia with any of my mucous membranes.

So to be clear, we can all agree an elbow in the ear would NOT be considered sex?

I'm more disappointed your doctor only asked if you were on birth control and seemingly never mentioned disease control. While you may not be risking pregnancy, any sexual contact carries risk of viruses and other issues and should be protected against.

So I'm curious how that logic works. If your hetro anal sex isn't sex, just foreplay. But if your a gay man, anal sex is 'real' sex? And if your lesbian, what, you just die a virgin?

Ssshhh...don't tell anyone but I did the poison ivy on the underwear trick on my brother when I was a kid. He had found a patch near our house one summer and was always pulling some out, chasing me and our older brother with it and basically just making an ass of himself. Mother caught him once and threw out the…

It was obviously a JOKE. I mean who could stay asleep while somebody walks in your room and rubs all over your body.

"In today's edition of Tweet Beat, tries to wrap his toupée-topped head..."

It all boils down to consent. I enjoying biking and playing outside and have no issues letting my sinuses get all hot and bothered once in awhile. But damn it, , yes, I take offense when all of nature's semen and stamens try to take advantage of my poor eyes and sinuses while I'm unconscious and can't defend myself.…

"Not to get too deep into gender dynamics, but can you imagine a dude sticking longterm with a woman who repeatedly told him his penis was disgusting?"

I have severe allergies and prefer not to drown in pollen, dust and dirt all night long. But as this is Jez and we only judge men here, I guess I'm okay.

Unfortunately with sTORI Telling, CelebraTORI, Unchared TerriTORI, and the upcoming VicTORIous,Ms. Spelling has ruined it for all '_orey's' forever.

"THE NEW STUDENT HAT COURSE"

And the massage cures the TMJ? Cures as in at some point you can stop having the massages? Or is it just another version of long-term pain relief that, as you say, doesn't solve the underlying problem?

I'm not sure I'd go as far as pedantic...but it does seem rather donnish of you to comment.

You need to get another cat. My boys do this too...will eat until they can see the bottom of the bowl, then ignore all the food on the sides while screaming starvation. I just pick up both bowls, combine it into one, put it down and it's like a brand new buffet to them.

Hate to be a hipster, but I do find it ironic that a Jez writer is calling out another company for a typo. When you click the link, the main picture does say 'short', yet right there in the Add to Bag column it's referred to as 'rolled up shortS'. And every other reference on the site to this type of clothing is…