Mind you:

Complete with The Rock’s signature eyebrow raise. Love!

If only it were THAT magical fish hook. ;)

voiced by the Rock, and his big magical fish hook.

Just tell me about the pig, ok? Best character so far.

Lebron might be built like a tank, but he has the toughness of a man who drives a Kia

Excellent news!

I love this place. I’ve been here for years and I intend to be here no matter what happens. This whole thing just makes me ill. I feel legitimately nauseous.

We hear a lot about “personal responsibility” when it comes to rape victims as well. Somehow, rapists never have a responsibility not to rape, but rape victims are always entirely responsible for avoiding getting themselves raped. And drunk rapists aren’t responsible for their actions because of the alcohol, but drunk…

2016 America: Where a 12-year old boy is shot and killed by the police for playing with a toy and it’s his fault because he should have “known” that people would see him as a threat, while a full-grown adult who rapes an unconscious woman and tries to flee should only have to endure a couple months of jail because…

Bernie. Bubbala. Come on, dude. I love you. I love you so much. But stop. Please. It’s getting embarrassing.

I don't have work tomorrow and I'm a little drunk so I texted all my Bernie bro friends and broke the news and they are still trying to tell me he has a chance. It's cute.

And those women fought so fucking hard for equality between men and women, the right to vote. This one is for them!!!

No matter how you feel about her, 100 years ago American women didn’t even have the right to vote, so this is pretty cool.

Happy-go-fuck yourself, sir.

Yeah. Fuck that guy. Now we know where the kid gets the entitled, irresponsible attitude.

Great. Now rapists can claim, with precedence, that if they’re premature ejaculators, they deserve less prison time because it was so short and no one had a satisfactory orgasm.

“and that he will “never be his happy go lucky self [sic]” again.”

The Mrs degree.

Bless your heart. True Texans know that A woman's only reason for being at a Texas university is to find some guy named Tad or Barton who’s father runs an energy company.