I am here for this nuanced breakdown of Nazi Germany political history.

It’s amazing how they keep saying the quiet parts loud.

Chin scar buddies! Haha.

Three years ago, my beloved father in law died on Christmas day. It was horrible. Fast forward and as I am typing this on a bathroom break, I am watching as my husband of 22 years dies from metastatic brain cancer. Although filed with morphine sulphate liquid, he is restless beyond belief and unable to communicate…

The finest Christmas memory was several years ago, while eating a delicious dinner, my batshit crazy sister accused my sister-in-law of stealing her steak knives. She went around the table and took all of the knives back and stormed out of there.

Christmas present update! My husband just got his “gift” from his estranged sister. It’s a sweater that’s two sizes too small for him (it might be a woman’s) and it’s from the early 80s. It’s actually kind of fabulous, it’s white with geometric shapes in primary colors. Very New Wave.

And i just remembered my dad stood in line to get it signed for me.

I was depressed enough that I stole a gun from my dad and was planning on killing myself. I got lucky when he found it missing, I was found in my car in a forest preserve. I’d been there for five hours, I had had that thing in mouth, up to my temple, and against my chest. I ended up in handcuffs and then in an…

I HAVE ONE FOR THIS ITERATION OF THE PISSING CONTEST! And like most of the givers described here, at least according to my quick skim, the culprit was my mother.

For background, from within a couple months of dating, my entire family bought my ex-husband (then boyfriend) gifts for his birthday, gifts for Christmas, treats for Easter and other candy holidays, invited him to their homes to celebrate, etc etc.

Giving live animals of any kind for any reason beyond a very specific request by a very responsible person is THE WORST IDEA. Do not give a living thing to somebody who will have to work it into their lives!

My aunt is the cheapest person I know and also constantly in everyone’s business about how much things cost and how they could AFFORD such things? And yet she gives unnecessary presents that people don’t want because she has this pathological need to be liked and thanked and praised (or consequently feels like if…

You’ve sparked a great and yet terrible memory for me. My mother excited *thought* that she had purchased a really tall cup only to realize that it was a toilet brush holder.

 Not insulting but very weird, my dad bought me a book one year that listed all the things that were made from a dead pig, complete with dead pig’s eartag in the spine of the book. I think he was being funny and I felt like a real spoilt bitch  asking him why he bought it for me. Now I get a box of chocolates or an…

Entry number two: squeezy mayonnaise. In a capped price Secret Santa, that was capped somewhere much higher than the squeezy mayonnaise price range.

i was not good at gift-giving as a child, although i took it quite seriously & tried hard. i gave my mom a package of re-useable dish clothes (handi-wipes) one year (even though they were hard to find in the store, i was intent on giving them to her) & another year, it was a can of hairspray. i thought she would love…

one year, my brother gave everyone framed photos of himself & his new wife with the pope!

“told her no thank you, on the spot.”

I have a fairytale evil stepmother. The most incredible gift she got me my friends and I still laugh about-- for about a year she considered herself a budding photographer and bought an iPad to take “stunning” photos. Yes, an entire iPad. She took a blurry, uncentered photo of a trip to London she and my Dad took…

My Grandfather’s second wife didn’t approve of my brother’s decision not to attend college. She gifted him a framed embroidered version of “If you’re not the lead dog, the view never changes,” complete with an image of a dog’s ass centered over the text.