Upvote for most bestest arbitrary rating system.

Nice Price for what it is. Yes, there are cheaper and more capable cars out there. But this one has a tinge of unicorn quality to it that merits a second look.

Trumps got this. You thought Biden was a car guy? Pftttt. Trump’s giving us all our own tanker of 93 leaded gasoline. E85 optional for 2.00$ extra.

Your budget is too conservative for a proper mid-life crisis, and nothing on that list would cause the requisite marital strife. That said, there’s still a way to get what you want while still going full-on Derpasaurus:

To me you’re very rich, and are bragging about it.

The only bad logic here is the one where you use yourself as an example, when clearly your situation isn’t at all similar to the average person’s.

The only reason you can afford that is because you have no real expenses.

Vents that vent nothing.

I believe that’s actually Aragon Brown Merino leather. Makes the Saddle Brown Dakota look like unbleached paper towel.

What’s this “park” that you speak of? You put it in neutral to save wear on you left leg.

“Blowjobs: the Bitcoin of Craigslist”

NO BLUE-BALLERS I KNOW WHAT I HAVE

the Indians never quite threatened, but they constantly threatened to threaten

Postmodern craftsman. Some people like it, especially out west.

When you start racing in autocracies, you learn that people become expendable!

Why are the Aggie Corps of Cadets uniforms 100% cotton?

There’s no virgin wool within 100 miles of College Station.

How do you know you’re within 100 miles of College Station?

When you honk the horn on your pickup, the sheep are trained to back up to the fence.

You win the racism card bonus for this post. Congratulations?

She is from Texas A&M.

Oh honey. You tried so hard.

Air Force Armament Museum! AC-130A A0129 “First Lady”! Mmmmm...