I recently lost my job and have decided to start my own business. When I was trying to decide whether to pursue working for myself, one of the “cons” was lack of maternity leave. But then I remembered that my old employer offered just 6 weeks of paid leave, plus another 6 unpaid. Fuck America.

I explained North America to my European cousins like this: we are an apartment complex, America is that giant party that wont end even though the apartment is being wrecked and seems fun but when you get inside its only fun for a certain type of people. Mexico is directly below and is doing their own thing, and…

Dude, half-assedly do Weight Watchers and do Zumba... more to dance around like a fool and de-stress than anything else, if you want a human approach to it. Or don’t. Or just eat the fucking muffin. Yes, you ideally “only get married once”, but I counter-argue that you’re not going to be on your deathbed like, “I’m SO…

THIS. I swear to God. I was sexually assaulted at 14 BY ANOTHER 14 YEAR OLD, and I wasn’t “pinned down.” I was coerced and was digitally penetrated, and he tried to force me to give him oral sex. I went along with a lot of it because I was too afraid to do anything else. That doesn’t mean I consented.

would like to “eliminate the magnets that attract illegal immigrants,” whatever that means

Child victims of sexual molestation or rape may not appear to object, because they do not understand what is happening to them, and just go along with whatever the adult wants. That's not consent, that's waiting for things to be over.

[long fart noise]

They would so not let Reagan sit with them at lunch.

My husband would commiserate. I’m THE WORST!

I like to think that a “celebrity chef” is a chef who just cooks celebrities.

In Russia makeup wears women.

Counter business idea: Labia bedazzling. Our longer bits means more room for the glitter.

Long labia haver here. I have never not once felt uncomfortable with my crotchal area in yoga pants. Literally everyone in my yoga class is packing a spandex burger. Doesn't matter.

On the message board 4chan, users started calling these text memes “copypasta,” a catchy portmanteau of copy and paste.

You aren’t supposed to fake it so much as cultivate a thankful heart and suppress all your unhappiness. Sometimes, you are just supposed to force a smile and bring your appropriate feelings to the forefront. The person who explained it to me was on about how cultivating a right expression can help you find your right…

Isn’t there some sin about judging others or something that this dude should be following considering he’s such a man of god?

I’m a guy, and this horrifies me more than I can express.

When I was 14/15, I had a huuuuge crush on the son of a family friend who was 19/20. I would have hit all kinds of milestones with this guy if he had let me. But, you know, he ignored my crush, kept me at arms’ length, etc., and then we became pretty good friends when I was in college.

Seriously, this is creepy as shit to be like, “Imma just regard 14 year old girls like 17 year olds instead. Cause I feel like I can justify that.” A 14 year old WOMAN? Just fucking stop.

“Later in life, Margaret Fox, who had converted to Catholicism, denounced her “powers” as diabolical and demonstrated to a live audience how the deception was perpetrated: the “raps” came from the cracking of toe joints.”