Talking about the older Kardashians here but it’s my experience as a middle aged lady that wealthy women who have traded on their physical appearance really start to panic as they get older And by panic I mean as their faces age they start to control what they can. They get superskinny, buy new boobs, do all sorts of…

I haven’t weighed myself in 16 years. Not since I started treatment for anorexia nervousa.  And once I successfully completed treatment, I refused to look back.  It feels fucking fantastic.  I have no idea what the number is. 

“I named it for the pure color of the sails. Something spoke to me when I saw them unfurled, and I knew I had to have her named ‘White-Powered’...”

Like how guns and trucks go with tiny dicks, gotcha.

Videos of people jerking off fish are pretty damn inappropriate if you work in an aquarium.

my boss is a sturgeon

Ha! You’re right, animal welfare really IS funny. When I think about all those dumbdumb activists running around caring about other life forms and the impact we have on the environment, I just shake my damn head and wish we could go back to the good old days when we could just brutalize the fuck out of any living…

There will be multiple fatalities here at the hands of the military. This is Gestapo style tactics. This will be really bad.

Is this administration just going out of their way to check off every one of the “domestic abuser” cliches?  “You made them get so angry they sent you bombs” is right up there with “its your fault I got so angry I hit you” defense.

I wonder what Trump would say if they find out the person responsible is a white supremacist—sorry, meant to say, “a fine person.” 

I think you missed (3) paralyzed by fear at the thought of possibly inconveniencing, insulting or belittling someone even though they’re called servers for a reason.

You are doing the Lord’s work sir.

Because kids who get violently ill for reasons they can’t control is exactly the same thing as their parents giving them meaningless trophies?

I prefer my allergen-free approach to candy giving, which is to buy several bags of Snickers prior to the big night and then turn out the porch light. At the end of the evening, turn to my wife and say, “I guess no trick-or-treaters again this year! We’ll have to eat all this ourselves!” A decade later, and she still…

Better option: Let your allergy prone child go trick or treating, when they get home, trade them the candy for a crisp $10 bill and then take them to Chuck E. Cheese the next night. Better than going out, hitting 3 of the 215 houses in the area and coming back with cellophane wrapped tofu and a toothbrush. 

Not a pumpkin but.... That house, growing up as a kid, had this out-front.

Seems appropriate.

What color pumpkin for the houses who give out toothbrushes, religious pamphlets, or raisins? I assume black to match their souls.