I’ve carried him enough. He can get a job and move out!

Not forgetting the “standing passengers” wheeze:

Just cause you survived your flight, doesn’t mean you enjoyed your flight.

The one I remember was an African American woman. I think the story was that her grandmother was pregnant when she got married. The man she married wasn’t the father.

Lighten up and go watch some Mel Brooks movies, my man. 

Carry on your wayward son?

When thy wish to travel untethered and unencumbered by mountainous fees, thy may ditcheth baby.

The couple didn’t abandon their rug rat.  They were just gate-checking it.

On the one hand, this is terrible, but on the other, $27 is $27.

God condone abandoning babies in some situations. Read Exodus 2:3

Because... RyanAir.

Well, that convinced me: I’m naming my first child Additional Carry On.

My first thought too.  Finding a photo of a Ryanair plane takes exactly 2 seconds 

I mean, the child is basically an additional carry on at they point. They usually charge for additional carry on.

RyanAir’s model is “really cheap tickets, and fees for everything.” Two RyanAir tickets plus the $27 fee is almost certainly still cheaper than two tickets on another carrier.

God, at least try hiding the baby in your luggage first.

“A picture taken on August 31, 2020, shows the El Al’s airliner, which will carry a US-Israeli delegation to the UAE following a normalisation accord, lifting off from the tarmac in the first-ever commercial flight from Israel to the UAE at the Ben Gurion Airport near Tel Aviv.”

I mean, maybe not having these dingleberries for parents would have been in the kid’s best interests? It sounds like you could have passed him off to the next adult walking by and immediately made his odds of growing up safe and healthy a lot better. 

but ditching a kid to make a flight you’ve basically already missed isn’t world-class parent material.

Babies never have cash on them.