I would watch a porn parody of The September Issue called A Cold Day in Wintour. Especially if it was all girl-on-girl.

He deserves to be punched in the face with a Kia.

How is this enforceable? Are they going to station a police officer to watch her 24/7 and make damn sure that baby doesn’t latch on? This is ridiculous and the father who started all of this needs a good punch in the throat.

True story. My sister once raised money to save the Brazilian Rain Forest despite the fact that she’s not, in fact, a marmoset.

I’m convinced Jesus is real, because there is no way double sided sticky tape is that powerful. That tape had some footprint on the sand moments where sometimes they were both holding kim’s boobs, and sometimes the tape faltered, and that's when Jesus carried Kim's boobs.

“you’ve never worked with the general public before.”

I’ve been working with General Public so long, he was just Lieutenant Public when I got started.

You shoot an unarmed 12 year old within seconds of seeing him in a park, you go to jail. See, justice is easy. What the hell is going on with the “investigation?” Are they pouring through his social studies homework to see if he is “no angel?” Hey be misspelled Washington in his 6th grade history report! Clearly he…