but that would require thinking, instead of just jumping on the knee-jerk, pearl-clutchy 'i'm offended! bandwagon.

I wish I could stay at hotels when I visit my family.

So...you think Jimmy Fallon is a nasty person because after you glared at him and behaved like an assshole for no reason he looked at you angrily? Um, ok.

I lived in Malibu for four years when I was in school, so I have several stories, but this is my favorite. Please note: I am an Old, so this was before cell phones and caller ID.

My friend and I were at a bar in New Orleans quite off the beaten track and we saw him (Anthony Bourdain) at the bar. My friend tried to buy him a shot, saying "I just love you!" He said, so kindly, "Honey, I'm married and old enough to be your dad. But that was very sweet, thank you. Let me buy you and your…

BookExpo America in Chicago, 2004. I was at a late-night party for some erotica publishing company and I was not feeling it at all. It was late, I was tired, and BEA was winding down and it was really just time to go HOME already.

You know what? This is totally how Tom Haverford would get married. This looks like an extra straight out of Parks and Rec.

Yes to the "every couple of weeks another email comes". I was 1 0f 7 bridesmaids in a wedding that was quickly getting out of hand. The MOH was planning a destination bachelorette party and we were pitching in for the brides portion of the travel costs (the got an email to remind us we'd also have to reimburse the MOH…

I want to agree with you, but the wedding I'm paying more than I can afford to stand up in next month won't let me.

I think it takes a lot of putting yourself out there, and realizing that every relationship is going to be different. In high school I met somebody who I felt was the first person I could talk to about any of the serious things in my life. And we had an amazing connection and he was the first person I felt comfortable…

I don't think you know what "closet" means.

You don't? I think you have every right in the world to tell someone they're unjustified in being offended. I don't know why this attitude is so common now, it's eliminated our ability to judge and have nuance.

Ummm, I sleep in late (way later than 10), eat fried chicken when I feel like it and have traveled to more than 20 countries. Yes, I have a kid. Not saying you should have had kids—you're happy, so that's great—but the notion that all life ends once you have a kid is wrong. I get a little tired of the…

My God! You are right. While I have always championed the child free, some of them have been the worst offenders with the crazy "Won't your kid turn out weird with no siblings?"
Uh. No. The literature on only children is out there and it actually shows that they do great.

I'm 38. Woke up this morning at 8:30 to a warm little person snuggling her way into bed between my partner and me, throwing her arm around me and whispering, "imagine if we had no bones and were just all floppy?" My partner & I woke up laughing our heads off. We all snuggled for 30 minutes in a warm heap before…

What if I'm laughing at you're comment?

I completely missed that these were impersonators at first because my brain totally seized up on "oh my god, the queen has a corgi phone!!!" I'm so dissappointed now :-(

Both of my children are internationally adopted, both abandoned in safe places where they were immediately found and taken to safety. I hope that some day they can find their parents and get answers to their questions. We celebrate their adoption days, their gotcha days, their citizenship days, and their birthdays,…

What is hilarious about this situation is that you work in a cubicle with this woman, which I take to mean that you have similar jobs, despite your boundless depth, intellect, and magnanimity in dealing with lesser minds.