Every day my beautiful mutt gifts me with tissue confetti.

I want to love my Roomba (we named her Rosie), but I just can’t. She’s kind of a piece of shit at her job but then constantly rearranges my furniture. Like, I know you’re paying me to clean your house but my real passion is decorating.

My cat hated our roomba. He would run away when it worked and hiss at it while it was docked. One day we came home and found a giant turd on said roomba. The cat won. We no longer have the roomba.

I’ll take hearing about Bindi Iriwn any day over Jersey Shore attention whores.

i’m crying bc of this:

Once I saw the gold hair, I was like, this bitch was for real crazy!

Omg I was watching Graham Norton thinking “holy fuck, NO! WHAT IS HAPPENING. why is everyone laughing so hard??”

He’s the face of America now. America is a joke.

Every headline relating to Trump is like reading an Onion headline out of context. You do a double take, read it again, and then you realize it’s a joke.

Except it’s not, and then you just scream internally forever.

Kimmie Gibler is the only normal one.

Nepotism benefits anyone on the receiving end. If we’re to talk about nepotism in China, your statement would be false. You are correct, due to demographics in the US (I am assuming you are talking about the US), but that doesn’t mean nepotism is a racial issue.

I think the issue of nepotism or cronyism is a valid concern, but not sure it’s limited to a racial issue. Qualified people of all genders, races and cultures are in the same position when it comes to merit versus connections in the workplace.

Sunday Roast is fucking hysterical. Not sure if was an intentional typo, but it is the first out loud laugh I’ve had in a long while.

Or a scratching post.

Klein was forced to stuff Wildenstein inside a closet to prevent another rabid attack, sources said.

I just try not to think about it and also stand really far away from the the drain

I have a fear of my own drain and shower head, which both have too many dang holes if you ask me.

This is a wonderful idea. I sent one. Our constitution bans cruel and unusual punishment, and that includes preventing sexual harm from happening to prisoners.

WHY ARE KATE AND WILLS CONJOINED THO