I mean, grant he’s probably not at true “star” status, but he was a #2 pick and an All-Star this year. Plenty of people know who he is.

And since Russell is immune to that kind of fallout, coupled with the dumbass way he got caught, I’m neutral about this specific story, but not about the issue overall.

I actually kind of disagree with that conclusion. The only reason this is a “thing” at all is because he’s an NBA player; if he were a normal person, he’d pay his fine and get on with his life.

All that is true—and then Lowry kept backing into his legs when Simmons had no shot at the ball, even if Lowry would had just stood still. That’s bush league shit.

Alternate headline: Kyle Lowry Gets Away with Tabletopping Ben Simmons Under the Basket

Additionally: does he have no connections to pick up after landing?

Having grown up with MST, and spending many nights falling asleep to playlists of episodes, I literally can’t turn off the riffing when I watch movies. Or, do basically anything.

Because I don’t watch Game Of Thrones nor have I seen Avengers: Endgame, I’ve lately been living in an alternate universe from family, friends, and the rest of the world. That’s fine. I am immune to spoilers and leaks because I don’t know what any of it means.

I’m pretty sure your Corgi wins that race.

Draymond is indeed a fine player, and occasional (often) goon, but I’ll be damned if I were to give him too much credit for Austin Rivers Austin Riversing.

I didn’t say he was a “no talent idiot” but if that’s how you want to interpret it, knock yourself out.

HIGHLIGHT TRUTHER ALERT!

Oooh you fancy!

If by “contact the authorities” you mean “teased him mercilessly about his hangup and threatened to reveal any and all details of films/trailers he hadn’t seen,” then yes, yes I did.

What I liked best about this Funbag is the “appetizer for an appetizer” question comes after the “It sucks to be called fat” question. America!

Agreed. I’ve always hated the “BREAKING NEWS FROM SCHEFTER” shit, because a) why do I care if I got the non-asteroid-collision-imminent news 9 seconds before some other outlet? and b) he seems like the absolute worst kind of access merchant, who offers absolutely nothing of value besides “he said/he also said because…

To HR?

Pureed chicken nuggets?

Your first mistake was letting go of the bottle, you sweet summer babe.

You call that a coup? This is a coup.