She was SAAD, now she’s just sad.

Motherfucking John Wilson couldn’t be satisfied with one grift; he just had to try and push it.

Motherfucking truth.

No worries; figured it was a mobile thing. Which doesn’t explain how you were able to link to other text. I HAD A BUSY MORNING, OK??? (Most of which was emailing my friends about how dumb everyone involved here was.)

“5 feet tall, 110 pounds, man. Keeps it TIGHT, you know what I’m saying bro? High five!”

You mean the part where the kid was emotionally distraught and will have to deal with abandonment issues and the lack of a strong male role model—made even more glaring by the fleeting presence of one—for the rest of his life wasn’t the happy ending?

Yeah, just because you’re hardworking doesn’t mean you’re particularly good at your job. (As a general rule, not a total indictment on SAS, although...)

Not sure if “I thought we were having fun” or “I never used a swear word” are the apex of his mountain of willful ignorance.

The internet already fucked him.

It’s not every day that I’m proud of what I do around here. Today is no exception.

Teenage me is 100% behind your strategy of pulling the little knob in the shower then rinsing off after.

I used to do this thing where I’d sit down in the shower with a rag over my face. It was essentially self-waterboarding.

Damn right; on a plantation, the gates were used to keep the coloreds inside the premises. #Progress

Permalink for anyone who can’t find your comment.

Whatever happened to predictability (in the bribery process)?

You don’t know my life!

Better than the alternative thing one can do that would also reference J.K. Simmons: impregnating his teenage daughter.

People get brand poisoning and come to believe, with great zeal, that doing the best thing for a company means you’re doing the best thing for humanity.

So, you’re saying his room was Farmers Only?

+1 Plan B