“real job” meaning somewhere where your boss disrespects the shit out of you and exploits your labor while sociopathically timing to the second when you arrive and leave

At this point, I’ll take it.

Plus, that means no threepeat for the Fucking Pats.

I really like SVP on Sportscenter, but his reporting about and then concentrating on the Ravens loss, instead of the euphoria of Buffalo finally making to playoffs for the first time in 17 years, was the most disappointed I’ve ever been of him. I understand he’s from Maryland, but to pretty much completely miss one of…

Perhaps someone will laugh eventually.

Ribiero was not a gift. He was like getting a re-gifted fruit cake. We have a 30-day return policy on Subbie’s even if you have a receipt.

I thought they were recycling some old Jian Ghomeshi content.

I never want to be so starving for internet attention that I race to be the first to condemn molestation jokes.

this resulted in the death of a different frat’s pet turtle, named “Turntle.”

I just spent the entire weekend watching the rise and fall of the Nazis on the History Channel.

I keep seeing this claim over and over.

Yeah that would have finished him off. Surely the American people would never vote for somebody who wasn’t a member of the party they won the nomination of, has weird views on sex and rape, shady land deals, and a facination on dictators as President so long as he campaigned on the things his voters believed in.

People were too busy shouting “YAAAASSSS QWEEN” and calling people Bernie Bros to realize that an astonishing number of people who don’t live in NYC or California hate Hillary the way most people hate fire ants.

WNYis plenty racist, but I’ll tell you this: even the worst of us would accept a gay Mexican flag burner if it meant we finally had a QB to replace Kelly. Tyrod is fine, but his record when playing from behind is

I think Woody Johnson called dibs on Dick Peckerwood.

Tyrod Taylor is a perfectly functional quarterback, and the NFL isn’t a league in which teams can really afford to jettison players like him in favor of Generic Backup Quarterback No. 234.

“Oh, Tyrod. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price, your soul. Oh, by the way, you have until five to clear out your locker. I’m starting Sunday.”

The fuck it sells well.

Asking me to choose which stadium scam I dislike most is like asking me to choose which of my children I dislike the most, by which I mean I hate them all equally because they make my life a living hell.

Please accept my prayers in the hopes your child’s condition continues to improve.

Books are also asymmetrical because when you’re reading a page, there is always another page you’er not using, to the left or right, hanging off of it. This at least doesn’t have a page hanging to either side; just a bezel for holding.