9836. Getting run over by a bus.

1. Spanish-speaking soccer announcers
2. Gus Johnson
3. This hockey ref
...
9837. Joe Buck

Remember when Jordan missed that 3-pointer in 1992? God he sucked.

Did this ass just throw his dead relatives out for sympathy? “Oh gee! I’m so sorry I beat that woman, but DEAD RELATIVES!!”

It’s totally believable that they’d do this to avoid Hard Knocks. Jeff Fisher has a history of avoiding distractions from the regular season like preseason TV shows or postseason playoff games.

A large orange, left-to-right-moving object?

Sounds like y’all are saying that Drake’s got enemies, got a lot of enemies. That he’s got a lot of people trying to drain him of his energy.

Just 23. Too soon. Far, far too soon. I could easily have kicked it around that age, 24. Car crash. I was lucky. But now I know I’m not invincible. Walker could have worn a helmet, could have worn lighter clothing and didn’t. Being that young and especially being a professional athlete carries with it a sense of…

As Da Ali G might say, maybe he doesn’t want her to see some huge dongs.

Ironically, of course, she’s much better off in getting to stay away from a major league clubhouse atmosphere. She’ll miss out on all the tobacco spitting, though.

I mean what am I gonna do...NOT get drunk and dance my ass off to Thriller? Of course I’m going to do that.

Ah yes, the summer wedding, the secret fear of all us sweaty men.

As a fellow disgusting sweaty male let me just say: undershirts do NOTHING for a guy who sweats that much. They can wick the equivalent of lake superior but you’re still going to be a nasty mess. My wife will flat out refuse to slowdance with me at weddings after a certain point in the evening because I get so sweaty.

I also sweat a lot. Can’t wear certain color shorts in the summer because of the fear of visible butt sweat...This guy though..he’s on a whole different level. He should consider spraying himself with scotchgard before he does pretty much anything for the rest of his life. How has he not died from dehydration? How bad…

Still salty from the playoff game I see. Belichick is not only renting space in Harbaugh’s head, he’s rearranged the furniture and painted the walls in Patriots colors.

“We’re not big on school. I told my wife, ‘He’s going to learn a lot more useful information in the clubhouse than he will in the classroom, as far as life lessons.’ “

4 minutes and 17 seconds and not one kung fu reversal or Five point palm exploding heart technique?!? Hollywood has lied to us all!

“holy shit, how can I sneak THAT many bananas into a game?”

If you think that's funny, you should see Trump try and palm a basketball.