To the rich people providing these totally-not-bribes, I want to ask: do you really think anyone’s going to believe your cover story that Clarence and Ginni Fucking Thomas are that charming and fun to have stay with you for the weekend?

I’ve driven a manual 370, they’re completely different from a Mustang, that short wheelbase makes them feel a lot more fun.

Wait, are you still expecting anything resembling accuracy (never mind actual journalism) from most of the clowns employed here?

One more reason I will NEVER let a valet in my car. I worked at a restaurant that had valet parking, and the shit I saw the valets do to cars was insane.

You mean, Bender Bending Rodriguez?