I am screaming at those. Amazing.

Wow. People are actually taking your comment seriously. Bravo for a masterful comment.

Seventy five percent of the comments can’t figure out it’s a joke.

It would be hard for the Rockets to defeat the Warriors in the Finals, as that is impossible.

Nice try Dennis, but I think that the Sixers are already destined for greatness. First, start with a point guard who can’t shoot, and then add a center who can’t run. For robustness, add another point guard who can’t shoot behind the first point guard who can’t shoot, just in case the first point guard gets hurt. Fill…

Rubbing the last bits of this on my gums

The *really* sad thing here is that even THAT math cannot be used to make Knicks fans feel any better about next season.

The wisest way to rebuild a team is to schedule the ascendance with LeBron’s inevitable decline.

Neither of their stars are particularly young, and for Simmons to become a truly transformative superstar that everyone wants him to be he would have to increase his 3 point shooting percentage by 35%.* Please list the number of players who have increased their 3 point shooting percentage by 35%.

I think you’re serious so read this until you have your answer:

I’m rock hard right now

Nah man, this is a you (and, well, I guess a U.S. education thing), not an author thing.

Zeno approves!

It’s fascinating!

I have a plan I’ve dubbed “The Procedure”.

I think we need to wait to see how enraged it makes 76er fans to really determine the effectiveness of the satire.

I’m so excited for the comments.

It’s incredibly disappointing to see a team with so much potential come up short year-after-year for two years.

It really isn’t. The only smart move at this point is to start over. Look how well version 1.0 of The Process has gone. Just think of all the championships than can be had with The Process 2.0.

put it straight into my veins