I'm not engaged, but I am in a 5 year relationship with a guy I just bought a house with and I cater weddings all the goddamn time, so I plan them in my head. The best place I can think of is the local natural history museum. There are dinosaurs. Is that enough to make the evening fun? Or is it too niche?

*more hugs*

Dafuq? Not bottled water?

The term actually came from Lincoln; he was insulting a man and calling him a goose. So why we still call ourselves that... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hmm, well let me think. Who are you likely to find on a PLAYGROUND with no money or phone? If you guessed children, you'd be right.

One time, when I was 13 and in middle school, I was volunteering at the ELEMENTARY library restocking books and such. It was just me, my friend, and the librarian. I was a little bit sick and running warm, so I took my sweater off, again, in the empty library. I was wearing a tank top underneath. Well, the principal…

I built a custom bra for dance recitals - practices I just wore a bra and DGAF. You know those clear straps you can buy? I just cut off the back of the bra and replaced it with those. If they're showing up too shiny you can always put a little make-up on them.

Don't even get me started. I did ballet (an several other forms of dance) for 12 years. First grade through senior year of high school. In my hometown, there were several athletics college scholarships that you could get just by having been in a sport. I, of course, didn't qualify.

Tonic water is full of sugar though. Club soda is just carbonated water. Both are gross with vodka, although I do like gin & tonic.

This is my exact opinion any time someone orders a vodka soda from me. It's not far off.

It's silly enough to be embarrassing if other people saw you do it, but it makes you laugh and smile together - that makes it intimate.

Damn I'm looking forward to being a nurse.

When I was little I used to pick the calluses off my toes, sprinkle them in the lake, and catch the fish that would eat them with a butterfly net.

I watch all the lesbian porn when my partner is gone for work. It's one thing I'll never be able to get with him (obviously), but that's fine because he's a wonderful person who doesn't get mad at my many, many openly gross habits like eating in bed and scooping cat litter but leaving it in a bag by the door because…

Also then you'll have delicious cake scraps - by far the best part about cake sculpting.

Just bake a cake in a 9x13 pan, cut it to size and voila.

I dunno, I supposed I always thought of it in terms of Diva Cup sizes. The larger one is only 0.3 cm bigger though. http://divacup.com/how-it-works/s…

Oh jeez, I cater weddings and EVERYONE who orders custom cocktail napkins has at least 300 left over at the end.

It just reminded me of this optical illusion I saw like a decade ago. The squares A and B are the same color. My mom got so angry when I showed her; she was convinced she was being tricked.

Gassy. After my mom moved out, my dad had a very small understanding of what I liked to eat, and would sometimes just bring home a pound of mushroom and say, "You can make yourself dinner from this, right?"