For her community service she should have to tutor poor kids at crappy high schools who nonetheless want to attend good colleges.

Martha Stewart was fine, and she will be fine. The last thing the prison industrial complex wants is a completely harmless, high-profile inmate getting fucked up on the inside (lest it highlight the panoply of failures that is our carceral system.) I’m sure they got a jail consultant to giver her the 101, and there…

This is an insane, cruel, moronic comment (i.e. exactly what I would expect from a Trump supporter). A quarter of a million people have died from the pandemic—that is a quarter of a million sets of families and friends permanently deprived of a loved one. Millions more people have been infected with a disease that…

Well I lost my grant funding due to his administrations sabotage of the ACA, so had to change jobs and can no longer help people obtain health insurance in rural areas with limited options. 

I’m so stressed I’m actually using my Hitachi Magic Wand on my shoulders

Now the other shoe drops:

The Constitution: People have the right to vote.

“If this particular judge does nullify these votes, will I be allowed to vote on Tuesday? Am I not allowed to vote at all now? Does my vote not count at all?”

I didn’t think that Hillary was going to win and I didn’t trust the polls. This is not because I am smarter or politically savvy in any way whatsoever. This is because I kept in touch with my “disenfranchised” (lol) hometown. What was incredibly fucking annoying though was when everyone in my super liberal city…

Hi, author here. We’ve gone over this a few times but hey, let’s do it again! I posted my original story Oct. 7 last year, including the photo. I’d originally intended to submit it for the contest but missed the deadline, and someone recommended I repost this year to see if it got in, which it did. Yay! Someone…

I already read most of these in the OP for submissions. I did NOT read the car chase earlier, and the cemetery one was not the one I expected.

You...keep that in your house? Without garlic and crosses and salt surrounding it?

Just fuck off with this shit. You're not original. You're not funny. You're a fucking pain in the ass, now go away.

“What I think is so powerful—when my father says that he’s going to... there will be a cure for AIDS in the next 10 years, there will be, and God bless,” Tiffany said. “Like, thank you. Like, yes.”

They sent Tiffany.

Good evening, everyone. I’m here tonight looking for advice. I’ll start with the text that my wife and I got from our daughter last Sunday. Fwiw, she’s in her first year of college and she’s about five hours away from us.

A-welp. A week after I lost one of my oldest friends to Covid, one of my aunts gets it.

With any luck, he gets his height from his mom’s former personal trainer.

I still can’t believe she got her dog back.

You were a kick-ass kid!