being kicked down the stairs was better than MI:2

Dodger fans are going to be extra sad when they inevitably collapse in the playoffs again this year.

What kind of person goes to Vegas and rents a Veyron? Do they think people (bouncers? valets?) will assume it’s theirs? With a big “Royalty Exotics” graphic on the side?

12 hours on Day 1 and only 4 on Day 2? Rookie mistake.

No puke or explosive diarrhea? Not a true road trip from hell.

Imagine being an adult and being mad that you didn’t get an Ezekiel Elliot autograph at a fantasy football convention.

Damn. That show was so technically accurate otherwise.

I had fun in 8th grade for the most part because I went to a K-8 school and we were the big dogs on campus at that point and were suddenly the old, cool kids. Ninth grade? Pure awkward hell...

I need my own island away from you fucking people. All of you.

Fucking yes dude, gross.

Now that the remains have been found, the meteor’s family asks for you to respect their privacy during this very difficult time.

Right, immigration laws should be enforced. But contrary to belly aching by immigration hardliners, immigration laws were effectively enforced for decades without being a douche about it.

Miguel sure as hell is more productive than Trump.

Have you ever driven faster than the speed limit? Jaywalked? Drank alchohol before you were 21?

Problem is, some laws shouldn’t be laws. I know that’s sometimes hard for Republicans to understand.

GTFO, he probably pays more taxes than Donald Trump

And in other news, ICE raided Miquel’s home and deported him.

makes a great dessert topping.  or as Trump says “desert topping”

1. Whenever the local city fireworks are

I said this in another comment, but I’ll say it here again because I’m gray on Splinter: