Can we fucking not.

Nope.

Oh god no. I love Bernie, wanted him to get on the ballot the first time around, but give it up, dude! He is too divisive to gamble on, and there’s so much more at stake this time around, now that we have an inkling of just how bad things can get. We need a candidate who can win over the Midwest, and people are too…

As someone who has worked with a lot of ‘creative types’ in the past, I can second this. 

Not to paint too broad of a brush stroke here, but a lot of “creatives” I know aren’t exactly the most analytically minded people.

When I first heard the story my initial reaction was that it sounded exactly like what someone in Hollywood thinks a hate crime looks like, but I was willing to give him the benefit of the…

1) people you don’t know might be quicker to rat you out. Kind of hard to put this thing on Craigslist

Trying to “goose his music sales” by making a mockery of hate crimes (an issue that is real) is pretty disgusting. Something is seriously wrong with this guy. And, well -- now his career is destroyed anyhow. Great job!

Fucked a guy in a field who was wearing a fox tail on the last night of a pagan festival in Texas. Spent 30 minutes looking for my $50 bra (seriously, wtf was I doing wearing an expensive bra to a pagan festival?!), only to walk back to camp and find it was wrapped around my leg the whole time. Never saw him again. 

Not toooootally on topic, but my ex fiancée fell asleep going down on me and started snoring. Key word - ex.

If you’ll accept an outrageous impromptu session, rather than a one-night-stand, here’s my submission.

So we win the championship and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say “Hey, Kuchar, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he said “Oh, there will be no money but in a few months when I get killed on twitter and am on my social media deathbed you’ll receive total compensation.”

After a (unnecessarily) long relationship ended, I really needed to keep myself as busy as possible, so I joined an animal rights group. I met L, a really fun and cute goth girl who was also recovering from a break up (yes, this sounds like a bad idea from the start). We were really into each other and we decided to…

If he was 39 then he probably genuinely didn’t care. Statistically, he’s probably already had at least one cohabiting relationship and has heard his fair share of unpleasant bathroom sounds from someone he was sexually attracted to.  

I don’t really get his angle there. If he was wearing a condom, why wouldn’t it be fine for you to not be taking hormonal birth control pills? Was he angling for condomless sex with a near-stranger or did he just expect all women to constantly be taking prescription birth control meds, regardless of the various side…

Personally, I’d settle for a couple thousand because I’d spend the tournament providing tips like, “Don’t worry, this isn’t even a real sport,” and “Relax, nobody’s watching anyway.”

So, this was actually a good experience overall, but it had a VERY weird moment.

In my youth, outside of the bar at closing time was called “the sidewalk sale” because men would literally just pick twinks off and bring them home.

Um a guy peed the bed after he drunkenly passed out because he physically couldn’t do anything else. But I guess I should have saved that one for the Nonconsensual Golden Showers thread.

This going to get a bit graphic, you’ve been warned!