I don't know that I could erotically eat a crab cake.

Beefaroni out of the can for this grown ass woman.

Oh my god, Brooke Hogan, buckle up for a wiiiiild ride! Your mind is going to be blown by all the other stuff that poor adults eat.

Madness has indeed taken its toll.

Take your pills, Grandma.

Wow. Taylor Swift is straight-up rude.

This is the only Riff Raff that we need to talk about. (aka I am old)

When I first came to Minneapolis for college, I used to go for long walks. It was a good way to get out and explore this strange new city I was in. There was a Scientology center downtown, right on the main street. I'd never heard of the group at the time. After a series of brutal classes that left one friend and I…

I eschew happy fluff entirely, & my favorite MoWs were always of the lurid or scandalous variety. Some of the best titles in this category include:

They're going to be at the VMAs four blocks from my apartment tomorrow. I plan on shutting all windows, drawing all blinds, and hiding.

I totally agree. It's like those Objectivists who always threaten to "go Galt." Please do, assholes. Let's see how much your money helps you out when you can't spend it on anything, how much time you have to think and invent when you're subsistence farming, etc.

Wait — you're rightly condemning prejudice and yet you've indicated that you believe people who live in towns with "like 600 people" are too stupid to escape. You know, not everyone who lives in a small town is an ignorant shit-kicker and not everyone who lives in New York is a paragon of intellect and tolerance. …

And commies. And Mossad commies.

North Dakota's unusual in that they got Mossad agents before they got any Jews.

Watch out, or he'll lead them all into a cave, never to be seen again.

Yesterday my 4 year old was telling me poop "jokes" which are less jokes and more sentences. Then things started getting more and more ridiculous and ended with him telling me that he was going to cut off my arms and my "long ones of these" (pointing to his nipples - fuck you breast feeding!) and poop on me.
So. Yeah.…

I'm thinking that her man is so ridiculous that "putting on lotion" is her code for masturbation.

"Not to be condescending, but you know that the douche in the popped collar won't be changing into Mister Right no matter how much you wish that he would, so perhaps you should be focusing on making yourself into the strong woman that will scare him off instead of listing out all of his terrible traits and complaining…

thanks, dad.

Cool story, bro.