Def the ghost of comet haunting the fuck out of anyone who dared to inhabit the tanner homestead.

That’s the game plan I conceded to at 20. Besides difficulty finding a decent highlighter (“no, WHITER. Are you listening?”), it’s worked out pretty well.

That’s my fear too. It’s still early enough that someone could come up from behind. If that someone has a savvy enough PR department, they could easily position themselves as the “centrist” alternative to Trump while still being batshit right-wing nuts.

Obvs.

Oh my god, I miss him so. fucking. much.

When I repost this article, I am pasting your comment in its entirety as the headline.

I laughed loudly enough to startle the neighbors.

“Stop making the world dumber, and I’ll stop being so caustic.”

That was well after she and tony were together.

The way everything bunched above my sway-backed bubble butt was this first thing my mom would criticize in every. god. damn. dress I tried on.

I am ashamed of myself as a feminist in the moments when these comments occur and I am simultaneously pissed and slightly pleased. I can hear my mother’s infuriating stance on catcalls being flattering playing in my head, and I hate myself.

“The actual sex.”

“and rainbows of unity burst out of a brown unicorn’s ass.”

God bless you and your credit limit.

My mom’s a dental hygienist. I can attest to what’s already been said. Tools, scrubs that meet office standards, and unexpected other paraphernalia are frequently out of pocket for medical professionals.

Listen, Jon.. 33 is a much better age for your inevitable baby mama. Call me; we’ll iron out the details.

Ha.. I didn’t see that, but it sounds about right.

When I die in an hour or so from dehydration due to uncontrollable vomiting, please hold Jezebel responsible.

The look on Melania’s face in that photo COULD NOT BE BETTER.

False. @jenna sauers’ nail tutorials were the best tutorials.