because (as his behavior clearly shows) he wouldn't know gentlemanly behavior if you beat him over the head with it. Which I would very much like to do.

that is legitimately my favorite way to tell someone to go fuck themselves. Also, with a huge, terrifying grin on my face.

I'm bummed about that one too. Such a ridiculous show, but I love it. I just binge watched all seven seasons a few months ago.. With the express purpose of getting to the Richard armitage seasons.

my name may or may not be amy irl, and this may or may not have been an oddly reaffirming message from one of my favorite commenters.

as a sometime hamlet scholar, can I just say: DYING. You almost made me choke on my wine.

eeesh.. Maybe he's.. Yeah, I got nothing. Tell your dad to speak up, or you'll have to I guess. No good.

once upon a miserable time, a customer filled out the tip line with "zero." As in, he took the time to write out the word "zero." My coworker (a hero) told him "next time, why don't you save yourself the ink and just spit in my face."

love you. absolutely love you. i love my chef too, but i'd be pleased as punch to have you at the helm.

i'm truly impressed that you can give this shitstain the benefit of the doubt that they might have just been having a bad night. THAT shows character. me, i'm just going to stick with "shitstain."

"Nancy, what the fuck are you talking about please?" <- will never not be funny

"lol."

it has fallen on me (as a 15 year veteran of the service industry) to police my family's behavior and tipping practices whenever we go out to eat together. i can't tell you how many times i've had to explain this very basic concept to them. "no, it it not the server's fault that your food 'smelled weird.' didn't she…

that's the goddamn truth.

toothbrush? no. jiggle pen? yes.

yeah. on my 20th birthday, i took home a dude who flailed like this when i gave him head. sadly, he wasn't quoting young frankenstein at the time. i probably would have been into that.

i.... would not have realized it WASN'T librarian were it not for your comment.

i just went on a search of my archived lipsticks.

lipstick is one of the only arenas where i've fully embraced the 90's throwback. i was a pale-as-shit white girl who spent a lot of time collecting bright-ass purple, super dark brown, weird grey- brown, and goth-level dark red lipsticks. i'm primed to bring them all back.

i LOVE the people who accuse the jezebel writers of having a hive mind. i want to lock them in a room with the people who screech at the site (which is composed of actual, different human beings who shockingly have their own opinions) of ideological inconsistency.