I can see my cat’s butthole, and she regally doesn’t care. Except for the time something Got Stuck and had to be Removed.

Same.

I love this story. If someone with a two-by-four tried to shut me up by saying he was going to wreck havoc on me if I said one more word, I would have to bite my knuckles to keep from saying “wreak.”

I think you’re onto something. Box-shaped-heart is either not a native speaker of English or is almost exactly the age and maturity of Holden Caulfield. And there is no hyphen between Shaped and Heart.

Don’t ask me. When I lie around outside nude I keep a rubber hand nearby so I’ll have three...

You know that game at county fairs where you throw a baseball and try to guess the speed of your last throw? There is a predictable tendency in men to think they can throw the last pitch faster. I go the opposite route and guess 2 mph below my fastest speed and then throw as hard as I can. I often nail it.…

“(Just kidding, I know you knew that already.)”

I had two teachers attempt to seduce me when I was a lad — one seduction was only stopped by her husband coming home unexpectedly — and I have feelings about this subject that do not add to the already excellent discussion. But is no one going to say anything about Angelica’s amazing and disturbing illustration?

I don’t know why it was permitted in this case but evidence of prior crimes is usually permitted to show that the criminal used a similar MO. For example, if a defendant was formerly convicted of overpowering a woman with chloroform, and was accused of overpowering a second woman with chloroform. But I would have…

<<“Because her father didn’t want her to be humiliated. To feel shame, embarrassment that he had seen other women go through when they went to the police at that time,” she said, before pausing to cry.

I hear you, Tad. I’m having one of those episodes... where I realize... that I don’t remember how to... breathe normally... anymore. Thanks a lot, Nathan!

I guess after Dad throws up in your mouth, two-day old road kill doesn’t seem so bad.

“The mug shot says it all.”

Thanks, Herc, for calling it Siesta Key. The sand isn’t just soft, it’s cool, even in the blazing midday sun.

Is there no one who can flip the picture to give Burke his cyrillic letter: я ?

Golf on television is great for naps. The last thing your eyes see before they close is green green grass.

Boomers saw a glimpse of a new and better world (Age of Aquarius), they marched and demonstrated to end the Vietnam War, they supported equal rights, they had a better, more socially fair, future in reach, and then Ronald Reagan dashed it out of their hands. So they got jobs, paid off student loans, put kids through…

Money laundering is a crime but places like banks, brokers and casinos have to have AML procedures in place to prevent money laundering by other people. Failure to maintain reasonable procedures often results in a civil penalty.

If my CPA is hiding 12 BMWs from his wife on my lot, I don’t think “Everybody does that.” I’m checking his books. There’s a reason why banks make employees take two-week vacations.

I’ve been cutting my orange juice with an equal measure of seltzer for a few years now and I never really felt deprived. It’s still quite sweet, but half the calories!