Dear celebrity moms,

I typed “Kristen Stewart sexuality” into the Google thing up there and it says her sexuality is “Network Connectivity Problems.”

I dropped off some cupcakes to my local PP recently along with a letter all about how I love them and how grateful I am for everything that they’ve done for me. I suggest that everyone else here do the same if they can. SHOW THEM YOUR SUPPORT, GUYS. THEY NEED IT.

You can see my bewbies anytime

They are consistently models of their Christian values in their homes, their communities, and their churches.

Bot farmin ain’t what she used to be. I recollect when pa had to sell the old homepage just sos we could keep our IP address.

Those are my titties circa 7th grade before I realized I needed to start wearing a bra.

I cook all the time and I’m good at it. I have never been able to make dinner in 30 minutes.

Wait until they find out that sometimes girls have short hair and boys have long hair.

I can’t tell if you mean I should’ve thought of a funnier line or I should’ve eaten the whole thing... either way, challenge accepted!

homegirl is fucking lucky as shit and also has the lightest period on god’s green earth bc if that was me please believe they would have blurred out my entire lower half and all 26 miles behind me that were literred w huge globs of my uterine lining.

i mean i’ve seen published, non-pixelated photos of marath0n runners with literal shit running down their legs

That sort of bothered me too. Not calling them Lady Ghostbusters per se, but using the word “adorable” before the other descriptors.

What a drag it must be to be Jennifer Aniston’s friend. You pretty much have to go to her house every time she invites you over just in case this time it really is her secret wedding.

Kids are terrible. That’s awful advice.

Can we send them bootstraps?

The term “asparagus water” makes me think about how asparagus pee smells.

Only one way to find out :(

Two hours, hmmm? That’s enough time for a couple episodes of True Detective,

These fuckers voted FOR this tissue testing. Bunch of bought and paid for hypocritical do-nothings. This shit will prevent them from protecting BORN and GROWN Americans from the decaying infrastructure and everything else that's falling apart because they prefer to tilt at windmills! ASSHOLES.