Summary of comments:

Very brave of Jalopnik to leave the comments turned on.

Needed this in the article.  My first question was: is this an engine swap or a new frame?

They tried to make it look taller/bigger but kept it on the same frame, so it ends up looking like a modern car-based crossover: A body raised on a lower platform.

This was my first thought: What do they do about the star?  While people in most markets accept that it means both commercial trucks and luxury cars, it’s always been an odd mismatch.  In the US, an exception where Daimler trucks aren’t common, they had to REMOVE the emblem on the mail trucks we bought so people…

Cost cutting presented as social progress.  Smart move, automakers.

If you live in a traffic jam or simply hate fun.

Shifter take is correct. They moved the shift linkage from rods to cables in the 996.  Cables “feel like rope”.  Honda made the same mistake some time ago with the Civic.  The correct answer is a front engine, rear drive manual transmission with a shifter that goes right into the trans.  I’m looking at you Miata.  The…

They actually get better.  Try Thunderdome next.

I’m disappointed.  You promised the “worst” take.  This take is merely mediocre.

Headline in 2045:

Wait. The self-proclaimed Antichrist Superstar isn’t a nice guy?!

I thought the same thing.  And what is the Jalop writer thinking here?!  Gorgeous?  Looks as much like a Honda as the last one.  “Feisty” automatic????

STOP CALLING HYBRIDS “ELECTRIC CARS”!!!!

Happy Birthday Mazda. I will take a celebratory cruise in the Fiata you built for me.

World: Tesla is the future.

Are you drawing a new Cadillac?

I still remember driving by a parking lot in San Jose with hundreds of the same model of white car. It turns out that’s where there stored all the unsold Codas they imported after they went broke. IIRC they were all white for some reason.  I thought they were handsome if non-descript.

In the meantime add an extension to your browser like Night Eye.  I’m using it now and it’s a game-changer.

At 5% that’s ~15 more miles of range to an EV rated at 300 miles. Debatable usefulness. Note that since the cameras stick out and have some drag we actually need NET drag or 2-7% LESS what the cameras cause.