I had this pair of asshole brothers come in last night and they tipped me in coupons for free salsa because I had “such a sweet and spicy smile”. Their bill was over $100.

“Never loan anybody your pickup truck.” is a lesson that needs to be burned into the brains of anyone who buys a pickup. Just by it’s nature, anybody who wants to use your truck is not asking for it because they need to transport a cardboard box filled with lace dollies. They’re going to beat that thing like a rented…

Draw me like one of your French girls.

Were these ACTUAL paper citations? Like physical things? because while she sounds like a terrible person, that’s so awful I almost respect it.

edit: Oh I’m a moron and this is back to school stories, not elementary school stories. Well then, I got nothing.

I used to teach elementary art in a really low-income school district near Denver. One student, Franklin, was a third-grader who was homeless and living in a car with his mother at the time. The district and social services were aware and helping as much as possible, but mom was hard to work with due to some ongoing…

Not sure if this ever happened on a first day of school, but I would frequently miss my school bus because I was walking too slowly up the street, stopping to remove drowny worms from puddles along the way. I still do this and not long ago missed a city bus for the same reason. Poor little waterlogged worms.

First day of 8th grade I tucked my skirt into my underwear after I went to the bathroom and no one told me until I got to class. I wanted to die and was like “I aint got no friends!” After that tho nothing was ever that big a deal and yes my friends still tease me about it.

Man, I was sure the sex worker one would be a winner!

Twins?

I’m not defending these kids, but if their order got messed up and they’d been having a bad day, I can see how they’d be mad. Like, maybe their fries were too crispy and one of them is allergic to crunchy? I don’t think everyone needs to be jumping down their throats just because they made a mistake once. I once…

Given the statement that it was because of an “argument on social media” I wonder if it might have had nothing to do with her working the drive through except the attacker knowing that she’d be there. We’ve had a couple of fights break out in or in front of my library this summer simply because two (or more) people…

Don't worry Matthew, Jenny McCarthy is coming to save you.

Yeah, I think she has a fundamental misunderstanding of the response to the photo. It wasn’t that people were happy she “looked bad,” it was that they were happy than even as a model, she looked like them.

While I love Cate Blanchett, I just can’t imagine her capturing the delightful goofiness that Lucy had. Sure, this movie will probably focus on the more dramatic aspects of her personal life, but Lucy doesn’t seem to have had the icy personality that I think Cate is most suited to play.

I know! I am loving it! My face has been breaking out horribly this summer and the pimples have been very slow to heal. I can't believe how quickly they are healing with snail mucus on them! I am a convert.

I just started using snail mucin in my face wash routine— using Benton’s preciously named Snail Bee High Content Essence. (Snailbee! Presh.)

She’s on her fourth husband, after three divorces, so it seems she’s somewhat a la carte with her interpretation. She belongs to that subset of Christianity that only indulges in the hateful parts of the bible.

I would do anything for meatloaf, but I won’t do that.

Upon my return to her table, she meekly asks me, “Can I have a glass of ice, please?” Wow, my first please from her. ...Wow, a thank you, too....she finally figured out not to screw with restaurant servers. The best part, they left a huge tip too, well in excess of 25%.