61. Stop drinking booze.

fee-fee for fiance perhaps

TRIGGER WARNING (violence against women)

Everyone knows a fetus is white, male and Christian while in utero. That's how they get so much Republican love.

And writers across the land looked at their plans for NaNoWriMo, crumpled them up and tossed them away, and got ready for their shifts at McDonalds.

10-year-old Isabelle Busath and her 8-year-old cousin Isabella Thordson

THAT'S WHY I SWITCHED TO WHISKEY.

Am I missing something? Where does the shirt say "slut" on it? Is it emblazoned on the back? I feel like she should get all the high-5s for this - get yours Taylor, get yours!

World's worst law firm...

Am I the only person who actually WANTS a c-section? Natural birth sounds absolutely awful, and the people who talk about how great it is ARE THE ONES MAKING ME BELIEVE IT'S AWFUL.

Also, on the other side of things, there's this from a WHO site:

So this is all based on patients seeking treatment? Good thing there isn't any social reason that men wouldn't seek help for mental health problems, and instead, I don't know, commit suicide at rates ranging from much to astronomically higher than women. Seems legit.

Well, I'll just sit back and wait for the inevitable - this dude will be caught with his penis through a gloryhole in a truckstop bathroom somewhere within the next 6 months.

Oh yes, absolutely. Offer him a Groupon or something.

That's why you should stick to amateur porn. It is often as awkward, funny, and cringeworthy as real sex can be.

I shave because I loving the feeling of smooth skin. Shaved legs on cool sheets? Fucking awesome.

Next thing you know WaPo will be running an article on rising health costs related to college women's ever loosening vaginas. "Sales of purses plummet as college-educated women start storing things in their ruined vaginas"

That is a dinglehopper.

Thanks for the Disney Robin Hood reference.