someone's a badass... eyeroll

THIS!

I know I'm conventionally "thin" but I now no longer give a shit about being "skinny". I haven't weighed myself in 2 years. I am what I am and that's it.

Yikes. Because terrifying the crap out of someone is the way to land a girlfriend.

Not to mention, oh hi thanks, dude, my (your friend's) only value is in her being young and beautiful! Which will end at 30 apparently and then she will be worthless.
yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiikes

I love this "He in His Infinite Stabbiness "

so much of the tears and sadness :(

oh ffs. I could create a hand puppet that looks EXACTLY LIKE A HUMAN but it only works with my hand inside it. Better never take it off because it can't survive without me!

"First, introduce yourself and get their name, ask if they are having a good time, and then ask if they want anything to drink. If they say yes, walk them to the bar and tell them what we have to drink. If they say no and they look like they are in a sorority, ask them if they are in a sorority (DUH). If not, choose…

thisthisthisthisthis

also, you'd notice. Because there would be ejaculate around. whereas if you forget, or your pill fails, you wouldn't know.

(I use "you" generally. "One's" pill. "My pill" whatever)

I know. I'm weirdly, madly in love with him.

While I'm sure she didn't write it, that Britney tweet is pretty great.

Dude I look totally hot with a great pink flush and some sweat. Not kidding at all.

I feel like crown royal doesn't think he's young. But he's probably compensating.

wow, can someone just transcribe this whole thing??

The short quotes really don't do it justice. She's just so ON and such a badass.

Here's to you, L-dubs. here's to you.

Bailey's is the handsome guy at the bar who is so smooth, he takes you home in under an hour.... but is gone when you wake up the next morning.

Sake tells himself he is a "young-looking 40" and drives a car that is clearly compensating for... something.

I like IPAs! I don't know anything about them. :( I'll just order something that says IPA with a cool sounding name

I was JUST thinking that

oh I see. This is all so complicated. What do I have to do to explode me some fabric of society?

I'm a single woman but not a mother. I don't buy newspapers either. Am I break society too?