If you're not joking, this is probably the funniest thing I've ever read.

I like you. That's all.

She probably just needs to take a random walk before she eats chocolate, to 'trick' herself out of eating too much.

I'm glad to hear that most of Austin is not like the particular group of music people I ended up hanging out with when I visited a friend there. They were incredibly judgemental of anyone liking music outside of the super-obscure old-time folksy scene they were a part of. And I liked the music they played, but it…

Despite my previous comment, I am a little slow to disbelieve crazy excuses, because the two times I've been severely late for work, very honestly, were because 1. A strange and vicious cat trapped me in my own backyard and 2. What started as me helping an old lady walk a half block turned into having to get the…

I had an intern who told me literally 3 times that someone had committed suicide by jumping in front of her subway car. 3 times in one summer.

Haha. Spot on.

Hm, I took the opposite of all the "only in a serious relationship" and "don't tell me right before sex" guys' advice (on the advice of a guy friend, actually) and it worked out fine. We were dating casually, it was our third date and I didn't think he was my soulmate or anything but was ready to have sex. I wanted to…

I sort of thought Jezebel would post something about all the horrible fat-shaming jokes that have been going around about her since this came out? Instead of making another butter joke? Guess not.

I kind of want to send this to the (straight) boy I'm dating and tell him it reminds me of him, but I feel like that might not come off as complimentary.

Wait. I thought single guys ate nothing but takeout pizza and beer until they get married, at which point their wife takes care of all the shopping and cooking. What on earth would one be doing in a grocery store? Does not compute.

Yeah, I hear that. Also, you don't get to expect perfect silence when you live in an apartment building. I've several times had neighbors complain about noise, not from loud music or TV or conversation, but just from us WALKING AROUND. Short of paying to carpet our entire apartment (that we have a one year lease on),…

Honestly, telling someone making a clicking sound they may not even be aware of (bad habit of clicking a pen, maybe?) to stop in that aggressive a way is pretty rude. Dealing with the situation head on is a fine idea, but it never hurts to be nice.

RELATED RANT: I went to see Sherlock Holmes the other day, and the people behind me started chatting and laughing loudly during the climactic scene at the end. I turned and stared daggers at them (didn't even say anything), and they got all sassy at me, going 'what?! nothing's even happening!' and when I left they…

I got one from a guy named ProudlyEndowed recently. That was awesome.

My friend met a lady with fraternal twins named Female and Male, same pronunciation. Also, my mom's a midwife and has delivered a Morticia, and a Skyler Lucas Walker.

Yeah, I looked :)

This is relevant to my interests because I am crushing SO HARD on a guy on Facebook right now. We're just professional acquaintances who haven't met but ended up being Facebook friends but he is SO CUTE and has liked posts of mine about a. men taking responsibility for ending rape and b. the Mountain Goats and I WANT…

It probably depends on where you live, but in my experience (NYC) it's very common as soon as people are out of undergrad, and some people are even doing it while still in school.

repeat!